I’m Here and You’re There
November 2025
Every day while on retreat I sat in the back row quietly, listening to a number of talks. An exception was when Aphrodite was mentioned in the context of her archetypal influence on jewellery.
Having worked in jewellery for a number of years, I commented on the role of jewellery in engagements and weddings, the significance of taking off a wedding band, passing jewellery down the generations and the devastation felt by those who had lost or damaged a sentimental piece. I have found that few men buy jewellery for any woman in their life apart from a sexual partner, compounding jewellery’s Aphroditic association.
Something I didn’t mention, as I had outdone my limits on having heads turned watching me, but that the presenter touched on, was that while the presence of eroticism and sentimentality, even superstition, was always close by with jewellery, a duplicitous force was often not too far from the proceedings either.
Not just in the sense of the illusions of love, but in the attempts at returning rings after finding out that their partner was cheating, one partner refusing to get their ring resized because they didn’t want it cut (these couples would typically break up; the secure ones had no worries about hacking up a ring), to mystery women’s jewellery items that would pop up on a man’s account, not bought for his wife.
I once put the diamond tester on an engagement ring after a woman complained that the stone always looked cloudy. When I saw that it was a cubic zirconia I simply handed the ring back because I was given a threatening look by the husband, a popular local music figure.
On the final day of the retreat I decided to shift seats.
I found I was sitting no more than a metre away from a man I had noticed on the retreat on previous days. I could feel all my energy moving towards him and felt the intensity build, to the point I was barely aware of anyone else’s presence in the room.
While experiencing my own energy surge, I observed a sudden behaviour change in him. This man, who always sat up the front, who spoke up frequently and seemed very engaged, was now struggling to concentrate on the talk, was silent and kept shifting in his chair.
This went on for no more than a few minutes when, suddenly, he stood up, walked to the back of the room and sat on the floor, hiding behind a table.
As he walked away I saw some people in the room, not least the presenter, appearing baffled by his odd behaviour.
I had felt a freight train of energy from him rushing towards me but, behaviourally, he basically fled.
At this point, I could already identify him as someone who might run from powerful feelings…
Hours later, on our first date, we had that easy rapport and magic between two souls who have known each other before, but not in this life. We talked mythology, psychology, spirituality, culture and he remarked how he loved how Persephone just rolled off my tongue. We took photos of the full moon and once we arrived at a cafe the waitress complimented my ring. He nodded to me in acknowledgement of my comments at the retreat regarding jewellery, clasping my hand to take a better look at the ring on my index finger.
During the date, he told me that the intimacy of our conversation terrified him, but the comment didn’t land for me as I assumed he would just face his fears head on and work through each and every one, just like I would…
Several months of intermittent dates and contact followed and we all know what this was building to: the point where this runner would do his final dash.
The last time we ever spoke he randomly called me and told me he was in the neighbouring country. After enquiring about the weather where I was he stated,
“So, I’m here and you’re there.”
I was unsure what to say to that, but it seemed to sum up where we were. We chatted about a few things and he told me he should be back by Tuesday.
After a couple of Tuesdays had passed, I got a voicemail asking me to meet up with him, explaining he’d been out of touch as he’d broken his ankle and had been getting around on crutches. Obviously a broken ankle doesn’t prevent anyone from using their phone, so I knew this was avoidant-speak for when someone gets uncomfortably close, I pull away to feel safe.
Obviously I didn’t bother replying at that point. If someone isn’t solid, consistent and reliable they are an unviable partner, no matter how you might feel about them.
Every night for a month I experienced violent, convulsive sobs as I prepared to quietly slip out of the country and start over again elsewhere.
Now I was “here” and he was “there.”
Situationally, I moved on successfully. Emotionally took a lot longer.
It took time to mentally reconcile how anyone could choose to stay away from such a powerful connection, but I accepted his free-will choice to not contact me when he said he would. One of the many purposes of soul connections is to teach us how to love someone freely, without their support, affection, communication, relationship status, protection or fidelity - to love without need - unconditional love. It was the lack of protection - leaving me defenceless and unsupported in a threatening world - that almost killed me - and was a very long journey to heal.
A few months after that last voicemail he ran off and married another woman. One that I imagine he didn’t need to hide behind a table around and was at no risk of heartbreak with.
One of life’s most painful experiences is being tasked with watching someone you love run down a road that can ultimately lead to no-one’s happiness.
I thought about if he wore a wedding band, if he selectively removed it around anyone, what the salesperson thought while interacting with them and what they picked up on in the dynamic between them. I wondered if when he looked at it he was ever reminded of the day he was on retreat and Aphrodite and her connection to jewellery was discussed by the brunette woman with the Australian accent.
Later in your healing you can even reach a place where you can fully accept a world in which s/he, every day, chooses to live without you. They choose instead to surround themselves with illusions of safety, security and comfort, which in reality means a non-triggering partner where there is no soul connection and no fear of abandonment.
Irrespective of their choices, the soul connection will continue to do its work through through the both of you via a continued energy exchange, including in no contact situations, where one or both are married, living on different continents, where one is a priest, with massive age gaps, differing religions, professional boundary restrictions, insecurity issues, death or whatever human bridge to acceptance the soul connection is asking you to cross.
Cutting cords isn’t the answer - accepting you have a soul-level connection with another human being and taking full responsibility for your life is.
Most don’t end up coming together, but it is a free-will option once both parties have crossed their bridge and healed their part of the connection. Those that come together in relationship prior to the karma being completed between them will find themselves being torn apart until the inner work is done - despite one or both parties being fully committed to the partnership. This can occasionally play out while in relationship too where one party is running, though you are still in relationship albeit with great difficulty and strong internal separation dynamics.
Along with your individual energies there is a third energy, the energy of the connection, which is more powerful than the two of you put together. Even a PhD in Psychology wouldn’t be able to explain away the forces that led to your meeting and the forces of transformation that remain long after.
Once the energy has neutralised, which will take years or decades, you will no longer feel the pull towards them as you grew in the way you needed to. Your heart was cracked open and expanded to allow real love to enter, with the person who chooses to show up for you, work through every last fear and trigger and remain in your life.
And sometimes the only person who’ll do that will be you.